Hiding Place

*

Being home has brought me too many memories of who I used to be and who I wanted to become. I lived in this city til I was 19 years old, I’m 23 now and I’m nothing like I was then and I’m less than half of who I wanted to be. 

I’m an artist, always have been, that hasn’t nor will ever change, but somehow I’m very different, I’ve lost my (artistic) innocence and that makes me sad.

I stopped believing in the  magic nature brings to art. I still draw magic and nature, but not directly from it. I don’t think I’m explaining myself that well, but I don’t think I can explain any better. I used to believe nature was next to me, watching me and guiding me as I drew. I felt I could feel natures love in my drawings. Weirdo alert!

Sigh.

**k

I stopped being such a weirdo when I started college. I was in a different city, the city in itself was different, people stares were different, people were…not the same. My surroundings forced me to change, at least that’s how it felt.

One of the worst things that happened ”after the change”, is that I stopped drawing for pleasure and started only drawing for business. It hurts to admit it. 

I recently bought a ”journal” and my goal is to fill one page a day with my drawings. It has being hard because for the moment I’m staying at my sister’s house and she has two kids under the age of 4, eek!

I don’t want to hide behind my job or let my job take the best of me anymore. I don’t want to hide who I am because I may sound or look too weird. I want to be me again.

Gosh, I’m too old to be having this ”crisis”. 

*That’s me at 18. Long, dark, curly hair. I miss it!

**That’s me at 16. Oh, what a sense of style, ahem. Pardon my 1.5MP camera. 

Life happens

Life changes in an instant and it seems there’s nothing you can do about it.

There’s a few things I’ve been keeping to myself avoiding, by all means, letting others know whats wrong. I wouldn’t want to have a sad bipolar blog, but by avoiding certain subjects I think I have avoided more than sounding depressed, I’ve also avoided just being me. 

Truth is, I’ve been sad and worried for a long time now.

A few weeks back I had a really bad feeling, but it was just that, a feeling. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt in my gut that I was right…and I was. There was something very wrong going on.

My four year old nephew was in trouble.

After I finish the last edition of the magazine (I work for), I gather all my things and took a *16 hour bus ride to my sister’s home. Things are bad, but nothing that can’t be fixed. I hope.

I’m in Texas right now, I have been here for two days, things are messed up, (and risking sounding selfish) I WANT TO GO BACK HOME, but I’ll stay here until things are better, although right now I can’t really see the end of the tunnel.

Back home I left a few purses and shirts we made, sniff, I guess that’s going to have to wait. I did buy a few blank shirts (here) to draw on and give away, I’ll post pictures when I’m done, if I can. Things here are messy and take up most of my time and the Internet sucks.

I have a few posts I wrote and was unable to publish, everything after May 5th and before this post has been posted today, May 18th, but was written on the same day as the date on the post indicates.

*No, I’m not crazy, I am aware that bus tickets are as much as a plane tickets, but my mother came with me and she is capital A-ffraid of planes.

———

La vida pasa y no hay como cambiarla. Entiendo que lo único que se puede cambiar en la vida, es como la vemos. Mierda.

No soy supersticiosa, pero si paranoica y rara vez mi paranoia se equivoca, de nuevo, mierda.

Hace unas semanas tuve un presentimiento, no podía jurar que fuera cierto, pero era demasiado fuerte para no serlo, y al final tuve razón. Mi sobrino de cuatro años tenía un ”problema”.

Después de terminar la ultima edición de la revista (para la que trabajo), tome un autobus y viaje *16 horas hasta llegar a casa de mi hermana. Las cosas no estaban bien, pero aun no sucede nada que sea irremediable…espero.

Ahora estoy en Texas, y arriesgando sonar egoista: QUIERO IRME A CASA, pero no lo haré hasta que la situación aquí mejore.

Debo confesar que aun no alcanzo a ver la luz al final del tunel.

En casa ya teniamos preparadas algunas bolsas y blusas que hicimos para subir a la pagina, supongo que eso tendra que esperar, sniff. Por el momento combre algunas blusas para dibujar en ellas y regalarlas aquí. En cuanto las termine, las muestro…si es que tengo tiempo, las cosas aquí absorben todo mi tiempo y el internet no es muy bueno.

Antes de desaparecer del blog, tenia escritos algunos post que no pude subir, todo después del 5 de Mayo y antes de este post, fue subido hoy, Mayo 18, pero escrito en la fecha que indica el post.

*No estoy loca y entiendo que un boleto de avión cuesta lo mismo que uno de autobús, pero mi mama viajo conmigo y le tiene PAVOR a los aviones. 

Un-bored

What do you do when you’re bored? I have no free time to be bored, but I do get 5 minute breaks every now and then, usually when in the bathroom. Ahem.

I mostly play games on my phone. The games have to be simple and relaxing so they don’t add stress to my already stressful work day and they don’t entertain me so much that people start to wonder what I’m doing in the bathroom. 

These are some of my favorite games:

1.Fleck (iPhone)

Fleck let’s you build a virtual home where your actual home is! Fleck integrates Google Maps to the game allowing you to live in a virtual version of your actual house, plus, there’s zombies. Yup, zombies. If you plan to invite other people to play, it’s probably not a good idea to build your home where you actually live, anyone can see your address.

2.Triple Town (iPhone/Android)

Tripletown let’s you build a town to fill with bears, you then have to save your town from said bears. Interesting, uh? It’s a bit like ”Blocks”, you have to put three of the same things together to form a new thing, this gives you points and money.

3.Spirits (iPhone)

Spirits is one of my favorite games. You have to save the spirit of a dead leaf and guide it through some obstacles to save plants. 

4. Doodle Find (iPhone)

 

As the name suggests, you have to find doodles! You only have a minute and a half to find as many specific doodles as possible. Are you fast enough?

5.Fluffy Diver (iPhone/Android)

Fluffy Diver is a little seal who is looking for its mommy. You have to help the seal swim through oceans without drowning. You can purchase other characters that will help the seal find its mom.

6.Draw Something (iPhone/Android)

I have to warn you, Draw Something is very addicting. You draw something and someone else has to guess what it is. Some drawings are pretty clever and some are really lame. You get to choose what is it that you want to draw. 

 If you’re a bit slow, like me, let me give you a tip. You don’t play ”live” with the other players, you can’t see what they’re drawing right when they’re doing it, You may have to wait more than a few minutes to get a response and waiting gets boring. What I didn’t know is that you can start more than one game at once, meaning you can play with other players while you wait. Just press the ”Start a new game” button and choose ‘Random’.

I haven’t added links to these games because I have an iPhone and can only provide links to the Apple app store.

Some of these games, like Fleck and Draw Something, can be played on the computer. 

I’ve disappear for a few days without notice. My work week stared last Wednesday and was supposed to be over this past Tuesday, but due to two horrible news I had to be absent from work and that threw everything off. The magazine should’ve been ready Thursday but it wasn’t and it still isn’t. I hadn’t slept in almost three days for more than an hour. I fell asleep yesterday at 10pm and I’ve just woken up, it is 1:10pm. Eek. I have a few funny-frustrating stories to tell, but for now, back to work. High-res

I’ve disappear for a few days without notice. My work week stared last Wednesday and was supposed to be over this past Tuesday, but due to two horrible news I had to be absent from work and that threw everything off. The magazine should’ve been ready Thursday but it wasn’t and it still isn’t.

I hadn’t slept in almost three days for more than an hour. I fell asleep yesterday at 10pm and I’ve just woken up, it is 1:10pm. Eek.

I have a few funny-frustrating stories to tell, but for now, back to work.

5 de Mayo

Did you know that Mexicans (living in Mexico) don’t celebrate 5 de Mayo? 

I’m not Mexican, but I lived there for a year two years ago and they were amazed at the stories I told about the way 5 de Mayo is celebrated in the US. Some of them found it pretty funny.

I was asked if I knew what 5 de Mayo meant in Mexican history and I do, do you? Don’t cheat, I can see you typing Wikip…

I don’t celebrated 5 de Mayo…I think, cause today I did a lot of cliche 5 de mayo-ish things, sorta.

For dinner we made Mexican Caviar, yum, but did you know that beans aren’t Mexican?They’re actually from Peru.

In the morning I adopted a pomeranian chihuahua and we named her Oliva, but Chihuahuas aren’t Mexican either, they migrated from the Mediterranean to Mexico.

…and on that subject, Taco Bell doesn’t sell Mexican food, there’s no chalupas, Mexican pizza or *burritos in Mexico. Did I just burst your bubble? I love Taco Bell anyway.

*Burritos are only made in the north side of the country and only in cities close to the border.

EDIT: According to a reader, there is chalupas in Mexico, but they’re made with mashed potato, lettuce and radish

Spanish——

Hay muchas mentiras sobre como se celebra el 5 de Mayo en Estados Unidos, pero de igual manera, los Estadounidenses y Mexicanos viviendo en Estados Unidos celebran la batalla de Puebla.

Yo no soy Mexicana, pero vivi en México un año hace dos años y los Mexicanos hacían burla de la celebración en Estados Unidos.

Yo no celebro el 5 de mayo, pero hoy hice muchas cosas cliché-a-doc con la fecha.

Para la cena hizimos caviar Mexicano, aunque realmente el frijol es de ”descendencia” peruana.

En la mañana adopte un Chihuahua Pomeriano, aunque los Chihuahuas no son Mexicanos, son perros que emigraron del mediterraneo a Mexico.

…y ya que hablo de cosas que le adjuntan a Mexico y en realidad no son Mexicanas: Taco bell no vende comida Mexicana, en Mexico no se comen chalupas ni pizzas con tortilla de harina, nisiquiera ”existen” los *burritos.

Ya que aclaramos ciertas cosas: Viva Mexico…ajua.

*Los burritos son solo comidos en la parte Norte del pais y usualmente en ciudades cercanas a la frontera. 



Dreamcatcher

I haven’t been able to sleep, I think it’s too much stress.

I’ve been going to bed at 5:00am and waking up at 9:30, it takes me and hour and a half to get ready just because I can’t function right with so little sleep. I usually get to work at 11:00am. If I get fired I will know exactly why and if I’m not my mind will wonder why not (maybe I’m good at what I do?). 

Since I can’t sleep nor stop using my brain, I’ve been doing a lot of weird things overnight, drawing mostly. I draw on anything I can find.

I bought myself a pair of Heelys shoes, I thought it would be as easy as the kids make it seem, specially since I do know how to skate, but oh no, it isn’t. The heelys have been tucked away for a while now and I thought they should at least look pretty (tucked away where nobody can see them).

Ever since I bought the sewing machine I want to use it everyday, it’s so awesome! Of course now that I have a sewing machine I have nothing to sew, well, sorta. I cut a bunch of poster paper circles and I started stitching them, they look so pretty, but they messed up the machine, ahem.

Every time the needle went through the paper it left a little paper inside the thread-whole-thingy (sorry, I have yet to learn the right terms for each piece), after a while it started making a really horrible noise, like when you hit something with your car and you start dragging it: ”Chrrrr-chrrrrr”. 

Like I said, I haven’t had much sleep.

Before the sewing machine scared the crap out of me, I was trying to make my own version of a dream catcher…too bad they don’t work.

What do you do when you can’t sleep? Tea, warm milk, rum and coke prehaps?

It’s 1:00am. I’m gonna take a shower. Pfft.

Spanish—-

No puedo dormir, no puedo. Creo que sufro de estres excesivo.

Me he estado durmiendo a las 5 de la mañana y despertando a las 9:30. Me tardo hora y media (cuando usualmente son 15 minutos) en curarme la fealdad simplemente por que mi cerebro no reacciona con tan pocas horas de descanso. Llego al trabajo a las 11. Si me corren sabre exactamente por que y si no lo hacen dudare por que no.

Como dormir no puedo y mi cerebro no para de pensar, he estado haciendo muchas cosas estupidas.

Me compre unos heelys (zapatos con llantas), creí que sería fácil usarlos así como lo hace la juventud de hoy en día, pero no. Los pobres llevan guardados en el fondo del closet una eternidad. Supuse que por lo menos deberían verse ”bonitos” (escondidos donde nadie los vea).

Desde que compre la maquina de coser, quiero coser todos los días, pero ahora que la tengo, no tengo en que usarla, de cierta manera. Corte unos circulos de cartulina y me puse a coserlos, pero cada que la aguja lo perforaba dejaba papel en ”el hoyo del carrete” (aun no me aprendo los terminos correctos para cada pieza, eek), de repente la maquina comenzo a hacer un ruido horrible, como cuando atropellas algo de metal y  comienzas a jalar con tu carro: CRRRRR-CRRRR. Así hacia, así exactamente.

Como dije, casi no he dormido.

Antes de que la maquina me metiera un susto, intentaba hacer una versión propia de un atrapasueños. Lastima que no sirven para nada.

Have you seen my zombie?

I don’t (but I do) like wearing my ”Have you seen my zombie” shirt. I do like the shirt but I didn’t know about the zombie part when I bought it and people DO ask to see my zombie, the bad part is that I’m usually not wearing anything under the shirt and I have to ”hide” my zombie…but If you insist on seeing him, here it is! 

Picture does trick  ya, uh? Pervs.

*This post was supposed to be published yesterday, but the server wasn’t working, which is why I’m posting it with yesterdays date.

Spanish——-

Me gusta y no me gusta usar mi blusa de ”Has visto a mi zombie?”. Me gusta por que es una blusa ”graciosa”, lo que no es gracioso es la bola de pervertidos que piden ver mi zombie…pero ya que insisten, conozcan a mi muerto viviente.

What’s power and how do you get it?

Do you ever wonder why sometimes you go to bed happy and wake up sad? I wonder if my brain keeps on thinking about sad things while I sleep and my body just can’t take it.

I woke up late, tired and very sad today. 

There’s an article on *RookieMag about power that got me thinking. What’s power and how do you get it?

There’s no book on how to be powerful and rule the world, I probably will never become president, but I do have the power of changing how I feel and that right there makes me a powerful person. 

Decide not to feel sad, it is that easy…sorta.

I’m sad about a situation I can’t change, a situation where someone may be in danger, but by allowing my sadness to take power over me, I overslept and wokeup tired when I could’ve woken up early and energized to look for ways to help this person. 

Sadness is one of our biggest enemies, why would I let my worst enemy rule my day? Is like highschool all over. Ew.

I can’t say I got rid of my sadness completely or that I did it all on my own. I found a blog that is so pretty it made me a little bit happy. Check it out Barnacle Bags

How do you deal with sadness?

*Me? Reading RookieMag when it cleary says ”A magazine for teenage girls”? What can I say, I love/hate Tavi Gevinson.

Spanish——

Hoy desperte tarde, cansada y triste. Alguna vez se han preguntado por que si al irnos a dormir lo hacemos felices, despertamos tristes? Me pregunto si la parte ”saboteadora” de mi cerebro se encarga de agarrarme a golpes mientras duermo.

Hay un articulo en *”RokieMag” que habla sobre el poder que tiene cierta gente y me puse a pensar, que es el poder y como lo obtenemos?

No hay un libro que te diga como ser poderoso y fregón, tal vez (y solo tal vez) jamás llegaré a ser presidente. El único poder que tengo, por el momento, es el de cambiar como me siento y eso ya es bastante poder.

Decide no sentirte triste, así de fácil…masomenos.

Lo que me agobia es una situación que no puedo cambiar, una situación que podría poner en peligro a cierta persona, pero al dejar que la tristeza me trague, me canso y duermo más, en vez de dormir a tiempo y despertar con energía para buscarle solución a mi problema.

La tristeza es uno de nuestros enemigos internos mas grande, voy a dejar que uno de mis enemigos tenga poder sobre mi? Pfft, mis años escolares han pasado.

No he matado al monstruo de la tristeza por completo y tampoco mate a la mitad yo sola. Encontré un blog tan bonito que me ayudo un poco.

Como le haces tu para asustar al monstruo de la tristeza?

*Yo? Leyendo RookieMag cuando claramente dice que es una revista para niñas adolescentes? No lo puedo evitar, amo/odio a Tavi Givenson!